Tuesday, June 28, 2011

First born

4 months



About 16 months

2 years

4 years




 Kaden Kalani Quinn
His first name means either "fighter" or "friend" depending on the language of origin.  
Middle name means "the heavens" in Hawaiian.  
Last name derived from an Irish word "conn" meaning "counsel".
He is my first born son.
He is amazing.



Friday, June 24, 2011

Recipe for happiness

Yesterday was Jeremy's birthday.  32.  We went to dinner together, then had cake with Jeremy's parents, sister and the fab five (Averi, Trevor, Kaden, Capri and Braxton).  


       Jeremy and I got to talking about how we both get discouraged in our jobs.   I was telling him how I sometimes second guess my parenting. And sometimes I feel like I flat out suck at it.  Too many times I get frustrated instead of keeping calm and then feel guilty after.  I know I can't walk around like Suzie Sunshine all day, but there is definitely room for improvement.  Less criticizing, more gently guiding in the right direction.  Jeremy assured me that Kaden would not grow up to be a drug addict or mass murderer, and even if he did it wouldn't be my fault. He said kids are who they are, and will be that person, regardless of how many mistakes we make as parents as long as we are making the effort.
    
For instance, Kaden is very sensitive.  When he was born he cried for 4 months straight. Loud sounds made him cry (remember when you sneezed Dad?).  A wet diaper made him cry.  Being hungry naturally made him cry, but being full also made him cry.  He somewhat grew out of that stage, but is still very emotional.  He cries when you tell him to clean his room, take a shower, get out of the shower once he's done, you name it and he's got fresh tears bubbling at the surface ready to go when things don't go his way.  Did I make him this way?  Is it my fault?  Am I making it worse?  No, I think this is just they way he is.  But it's so hard not to blame myself for his reactions to things.  Maybe I'm too hard on him, I expect too much, I'm not patient enough with him, maybe, maybe, maybe.  Yeeeeaah.
    
Then Jeremy starts telling me that he goes through the same thing at his work.  He said on that very day, his birthday, he went and sat in the bathroom at 9 am and thought about how he already knew it was gonna be a long, shitty day.  But then he came to the realization that we all make a choice what direction our day and, ultimately, our life goes in.  And we CHOOSE to be happy or unhappy.  Nobody is gonna come along and make your life perfect.  No job is gonna be so amazing that you never have low points.  Then it clicked.  Not even our parents can give us happiness, it has to come from inside.  Kaden is going to make choices and find his path.  He is going to choose to be a happy person or an unhappy person.  He may turn out to be a murderer or drug addict, he may even blame me if he does, but the truth is it really doesn't have too much to do with me.  All I can do is my best.  All I can do is be a good example for him and choose happiness everyday.



        So, while I am still very thankful for the way Jeremy and I grew up, I do believe that there is no secret recipe for raising a happy child.  Every child is different.  From the moment they leave their mother's bodies they are becoming more and more themselves and sailing further and further away from our influence.  Some may think that this is sad thing.  But I'm going to choose to take it for what it is, a beautiful process that I am truly blessed to witness.  

Monday, June 20, 2011

Fathers.

Saturday morning started off with Kaden's first day of T-Ball.  It's an instructional program through the city.  I didn't know what we were getting ourselves into with this program, but it turned out to be pretty fantastic.
All the dads were out there practicing each drill with their kids.  Jeremy was beaming.  He told me after how happy he was to not have "that kid".  You know the one...the "I do not want to participate in this activity even though I love to do it at home and never complain, but today I'm gonna ball my eyes out if you make me do it and make you look like a complete idiot" kid.  Don't get me wrong Kaden has been "that kid" a few times before, but not on Saturday.  Not on his first day of T-Ball.  Not on Jeremy's watch.  
No shenanigans, strictly business.
It was 45 minutes of some serious father and son bonding.
It was all the moments Jeremy lives for.

Sunday was, of course, Father's Day.  In true Amber and Jeremy fashion, I didn't get Jeremy anything.  We are kind of low key when it comes to gift giving, if anybody has noticed.  I'm totally for giving, and would much rather give gifts than receive them, but when it comes to holidays sometimes I feel like its too contrived.  I want to give you something for no reason at all.  I want to see something and just have to get it for you because I know you would love it.  I want my husband to have the surfboard of his dreams, or go on a trip somewhere he would truly enjoy.  I don't want to give him a pair of jeans and some Hanes premium t-shirts, even though he desperately needs them.  I'm silly like that.
Regardless, we had a great day.
hello handsome

Pool time at my brother's beautiful home.



And what can I say about being a father?  I'm obviously not one, but I have one and so do my sons.  Watching them on Sunday, watching them all the time, makes me realize how good I have it.  Moms usually get a lot more credit for child rearing than dads.  Moms have a connection with their kids from the moment we know they exist.  When the baby is born we already have 9 months of bonding up on you guys.  But good dads make up that gap quickly.   They take the role of father and make it their lives.  I am thankful for the way my father raised me and how Jeremy's father raised him.  I am thankful for the father that Jeremy has become.  He makes every moment with our kids count.


It is crazy to think, the same way our fathers impacted our lives and shaped who we are today, Jeremy is impacting our boys who (God willing) will someday become fathers themselves.  In that way our fathers and their fathers will live forever in us, in them.  Mind blowing I tell you.

(As a side note: if anyone can please inform me on how to make my smaller pictures go side by side, holla at me!)







Friday, June 17, 2011

Braxton

He sometimes sleeps
just

like this.

Wherever you are-be ALL there.

Well, I'm here.  Now.  Finally creating a blog to document the little moments that make up our life.  Why?  Well, I'm reading a book by Donald Miller.  In the book a friend of his says that people don't remember even half their lives.  He says how sad it is, and how if we don't remember the small moments in our lives it's like they never happened.  So the man writes down all his memories whenever they come to him.  I bought a composition book determined to follow in this guys footsteps, writing down every memory, from my 5th birthday party (My Little Pony baby) up until the birth of my sons.  I haven't written one single word in it yet.  Writing words on paper is so...1996.  And so, I'm starting this blog.  I've been a little reluctant to start it, because I like living life not writing about it.  Hence the title of the post.  More than anything I want to be present, enjoying the simple gifts of the life I'm blessed with.  However, what good is that if I can't remember all those tiny day to day moments that make me smile, laugh, cry or pull out my hair?  Hopefully more of the first two than the last two.  So this is it.  Nothing crazy.  Just a place for family and friends to catch up on Quinn family life and a way for me to look back on the little snippets of our life that is too quickly slipping by.