Making peace with imperfection

"The need for perfection and the desire for inner tranquility conflict with each other." - Richard Carlson, PhD. (Author of Don't Sweat The Small Stuff...And it's all small stuff)

I need to tape this quote to the bathroom mirror.  Inner tranquility, peace, being happy and satisfied in our lives...it's what we all want.  And while we think that striving to fix all the things in our life that "need" fixing will lead us to this state of peace within, it is actually the one thing driving us further away from it.  Perfection and peace.  In conflict with each other.  They can't even be in the same room together without giving each other dirty looks.

When Jeremy and I decided last year that we were done having kids, there were a couple days where I struggled with the fact that I would never have another baby.  I knew that I didn't want to go through another pregnancy or birth.  I knew that I wanted a small family so we could do lots of traveling.  I knew two kids was what we could comfortably afford while still maintaining the lifestyle we wanted.  But there was a part of me that wanted what other people had.  That part of me wanted to be a young mom  with lots of young children, who home-schools them and dresses them in adorable clothes and everyone looks at her and wonders "how does she do it?".  I asked myself do I really want another child or do I just want to be that person?  The person I'm not.  After I realized it was only the idea of what I thought was a perfect life that I was clinging to, and not the actual fact that I wanted more kids, I was able to let it go.  I let it go and I am at peace with our decision.  I can enjoy what is, without wanting something more.

Lately I've been struggling also with the imperfections of others.  I've heard myself think, "Why can't they just do things the right way?!  They way I do it!"  I may even have text my friend those exact words on one occasion.  Okay, a couple different occasions.  But, I really do want to love and accept people for who they are in this moment, not who I think they should be.  Silently judging the decisions they make, focusing on the flaws in their personality and criticizing the way the deal with people, including me, is preventing me from achieving this goal.  And not only that, it sabotages my own inner tranquility.  The truth is, it's not even imperfection.  It's just who they are.

If it feels like I've talked about this before, I probably have but it bears repeating.  Love yourself.  Love others.  Accept what is.  It doesn't mean you stop doing your best,  it means you stop obsessing about what's wrong.

Rocket launch

A few weeks ago we went to Cypress Elementary School and launched a model rocket.  Jeremy and Kaden had been planning this for awhile.  It all started when Kaden started making rockets out of his Legos.  This reminded Jeremy about how he had always wanted to launch a rocket as a kid, so he proposed the idea to Kaden.  Kaden got really excited about it and began telling anyone who would listen for the next few days that he was going to launch a rocket with his dad.  It took about two weeks until Jeremy finally had the opportunity to take Kaden to the hobby store to get the rocket.  The day had finally arrived.   

I think Jeremy was the most excited of all.  Since we were at a school, on the weekend, and we knew this rocket was gonna make a loud sound we were a little sketchy.  If fact, my instructions were to take the kids back to the car right after the launch, start the car and wait for Jeremy as he retrieved the rocket.  Yes, we had an exit plan, people. 

There were a couple false starts...Kaden counted down, pushed the button and nothing happened.  Jeremy would look at it, adjust a couple things and tell him to try again.  The third try was the charm.  The rocket soared straight up into the air.   It was much faster and much louder than we expected.  It was pretty dang awesome.   It landed on the roof of a building, which also wasn't expected, but our exit strategy still went off without a hitch.  Aside from the one kid from the surrounding neighborhood that immediately rode his bike over to see what happened, we slipped out unnoticed.  We drove away, smiling, excited, and laughing. 

Jeremy and I have been talking a lot lately about changes.  New and unknown paths in our lives.  Big dreams and big decisions that take a lot of time and planning.  It's scary, but also exciting.  It's so easy to play it safe, and live your life the way you always have.  You know what to expect, it's safe and enjoyable.  But we want to launch a rocket.   

And while there is a possibility that it might not go exactly as planned, or fail to launch at all...we have to try, don't we?  Because there is also a possibility that it will soar faster, louder and higher than we ever expected.